On the other side of the camera.

I often post photos of my kids. I feel like the people I socialize with on certain social media sites have been in my life since my son was diagnosed, so they are family...and I have come to depend on them for humor, support, and reference them for anything diabetes related. They get all the details. I probably over share, truth be told. I don't mean to, but honestly, I just call it like I see it. Some days, it's a big peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and we all get a bite. Others.....well, it's tuna fish.

Today, my baby daughter turned 4. We spent the day rushing around, securing Lalaloopsy plates and ring pops....all of the elements to make sure that she parties like a rock star at her party tomorrow......and posted photos online, depicting such....and much to my delight, received a ton of sweet messages for her to enjoy.

I did my daughter a disservice today. You see, 4 years ago, on this day, I lay in a hospital, having given birth to my fourth child.....facing a very certain divorce. I knew my marriage had reached it's death bed. Not like, *you did this to me, I hate you* it was all sorts of Jim Morrison and "this...is....the.....end". C'est la vie....I can say this now, it's hindsight...don't go all weird.

 I had asked for an epidural, as I am a huge baby, and had three kids prior, two without drugged intervention, BLESSED drug intervention....Now, I will not go into all of the gory details about how wrong that anesthesia procedure went, and the events, including two blood patches.....Google it, it's so fun after pushing a giant kid out of you.....Good times.

"What time was she born?"  he asked me.

What? How mortifying to me that I could not recall this. I was red hot embarrassed and beyond reproach.

I talked about this last night, at length and in detail to my loved one.....and it made me angry. It lingered all day in the back of my head.....not about the divorce, or the very ugly bruises from the battle, but  the thoughts stolen even as I posted all of the photos of my daughter, I sat there, thinking about March.....and what happened to my son.

I suck so much for taking ONE second to think about that day, yet, I couldn't stop myself.

A very certain diagnosis. Five weeks after she was born, my boy, my baby boy, at the tender age of three....... it was a blur, the 911 call, no ambulance available, my now ex refusing my calls....the cold, silent ride to the hospital.....the anguish in his voice when they held him down and put the IV in.......and the doctor, this tiny woman with mousy brown hair, who looked like she would fall over if I sneezed on her.....saying what I already knew......they told us we caught it early. He was not in DKA, and his A1c, while elevated at 9.4 was okay, we caught it, and now we can give him insulin....and insurance companies called, and there was a nutritionist....I think, and...TODAY IS HER BIRTHDAY, God, Diane, shut the eff up inside. But, Diane, in 5 weeks, he has had diabetes for four years...and longer than he hasn't. I chose to suppress all of this, so I didn't think about diabetes....and it stole my joy, anyway. I know, you shouldn't let diabetes steal your joy, sue me. I failed.

This is when diabetes doesn't play fair...and rapes your soul. Not just his blood sugars. Evil bitch, she is.


Listen, I am okay....not some maniac rocking in the corner, going to her happy place, but I have triggers. 4th birthdays do this.....Not that my kids are immune to diabetes past the forth birthday....but it's one of those weird things...in my brain....

I have many friends within the diabetes community who have received the second diagnosis, the third.....I do not envy them. I am weak and wouldn't know what to do. I don't allow myself to trend there.....

Except today. Because you see, the point in all of this horrible drivel, is that my  now FOUR year old peed in her bed last night, and again today....and drank almost three liters of water and milk.

What the hell else would I have thought?

BG 102.

Somethings change you, from the inside out. And no matter what picture you post or paint, the real you is behind all of it. I don't want you to see a perfect shot...but the eyes behind it.

We all walk this walk. Some in heels, some in hell.....some in faith.

I also know, that behind my camera, I have a family of people who would never let me go down a path of craziness alone.

Thank you for loving my family and showing me that daily.

Life Inside the Blue Circle

Lots of changes....LOTS, and boy are we ever proud of how much love and feedback we are getting.

When Blue Heel Society was conceptualized, none of us were content just being another blog....we always envisioned being diverse, well rounded, interesting.....something for people to talk about. We did JUST that.

We recently rethought how we wanted to look and read, and our ePublication was born. The new flip style magazine works on any device and we added some pages of non diabetes related reading as well, since we all have the diabetes connection, and actually have a life, beyond a diagnosis. Go figure.

We will add content daily, to each of the six publications and would LOVE to hear from you about what's going on in your life.

Our dedicated Luminaries have started an online page for all of us to share events and promotions going on inside of the DOC!

Have a look, have a like and spread the word. Thanks for being here.

Diane Cervati
Founder/Editor in Chief

Nora's Poem

This trimester my daughter, Nora, is writing poetry. Their first assignment was a free for all...write whatever. She's 13. In the 7th grade. It sucks. And she has diabetes. 

Here is her poem: 

I felt really ill one day.
So, my parents took me away.
I was in the emergency room,
It had a very odd fume.

When my family arrived,
We hoped I was still alive.
My Mom checked me in,
So, I could go to my room then.

I was scared of the needles,
They stung like a beetle.
I was in such doom,
My heart went BOOM BOOM BOOM!

I was only year four,
I wanted to walk out the door.
My life turned into a mess,
But I gave no fuss.

I had to stay hydrated so I drank from my cup,
And I dared to give up.
In my hospital bed I would lay,
The only thing I could do was pray.

I thought my life had ended,
But my family's faith hadn't ended.
The doctor's told me to what I could only cope,
All I gave was my great hope.

I still have a fear,
I pray for just a cure.
God wouldn't let me give up,
So I chose to get up.

I stayed brave,
For I was saved.
As long as the wait,
There is still always strength.

I had been diagnosed with a deathly disease,
Called Type 1 diabetes.
I still had my friends,
I knew it was not the end.

~Nora

Our newest episode of the Ask Diane and Tony vlog series is up on Insulet's Suite D site.  In this segment Diane and Tony discuss how diabetes has impacted other members of our families.

If you have a free minute, take a look:

http://suited.myomnipod.com/tony/ask-tony-and-diane-diabetes-impact-on-family/

Thanks!