The past couple of days have been frustrating to say the least...
Monday night Nora had a high blood sugar, changed her site and went off to bed. She comes back downstairs to tell me, "Mom, I don't know if the site went in. It kinda crinkled after I inserted it." So I immediately tell her to change it...I'm not messing around with a shoulda, coulda, woulda!!
She changes it and goes off to bed...by the way...the site was in and she was irritated that she wasted a perfectly good site. Fast forward to the 3am check...over 500!!! What the hell?? I rage bolus...set a temp basal...she wakes up and feels like crud! Well, of course she does! Checks for ketones and BLAM...moderate.
As an aside, I hate everything diabetes related at 3am...my mind is barely functioning and then to have to bring out the Sick Day flow chart and comprehend what I am doing and calculate correctly...you all know!!
Okay, so rage bolus, temp basal, syringe stick for ketones, 16 ounces of water gulped down and she is off to bed. I check a few hours later...NO CHANGE!! Great!! Repeat of 3am care WITH site change and back to bed.
We fought ketones and highs ALL day long. I felt like I had put water into her reservoir instead of insulin. I don't usually limit what she eats but I did this day. We cut the carbs and increased the protein. This way I could eliminate a carb ratio issue. About mid afternoon she got rid of the ketones!! But still was in the 3-400's. She's worn out. It sucked. That night she finally was around 180ish. Woo Hoo!! Nora looks at me and says, "I feel low!" I replied, "Of course, you do!! You've been high all day!". She went off to bed and at the 3 am check she had gone up to the 250's???? (In my opinion it's either hormones or a cold coming on...either of which can stay away...unfortunately they won't!)
We all go through this...all of us! But I guess by that evening I was feeling defeated. I was sucking big time as the stand in pancreas. I wanted to just throw in the towel and scream I QUIT!! I feel I can say this to you, the reader, without judgement. Because haven't we all wanted to do that? We may not vocalize it but it's there.
But we can't. We are stuck in this no win, suck-y, worst job EVER, until we find a cure. It wouldn't be so bad if it didn't make our kids suffer. I have never liked the term, "suffer from diabetes" but she was suffering, BIG time. I was tired that day. I felt like I had gone a round in a cage fight and lost. I didn't want, nor do I now want a pity party. I'm no whiner! And then I got mad at myself for even thinking of saying I wanted to quit. Nora can't quit. Evy can't quit. NON of our diabetics can quit!!
I ain't quittin'!! I'm gettin' mad and I'm gonna find out what the crap is going on. I'm making changes to basals and I'm gonna be the best kick ass pancreas I can be.
Rage bolus.
Rage blogging.
Rage D Momma!
