Aug 12, 2014

'Type 2 Tuesday' - Just Be A Friend



Just Be a Friend

I am often sorry that I have type 2 diabetes. Not because I feel that I gave myself a disease, or even because of the seriousness of the condition itself, but because of other people. I hate the feeling of living in a glass house for all to scrutinize my choices; for all to judge if I’m being ‘responsible’ with my self-care. I tend to be cautious who I let into my world. Unavoidably, though, many will know – I am, after all, a diabetes advocate. 

But what happens when people find out? Often, type 2 diabetes changes us in the eyes of others. For instance, most of us would never dream of going up to family and friends, and telling them they’re eating poorly (much less think about their moral shortcomings for doing so). But with a diabetes diagnosis, people will give themselves permission to judge, and to openly advise, chastise, or admonish a person.
Take this inbox message I got recently…

“I stumbled upon your blog this morning when I was trying to find a gut wrenching but inspirational read for a high school classmate who just got diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Sadly she is not taking it seriously at all and is all to [sic] happy to just take pills. I myself am a Type 1 diabetic and will be "celebrating" my 19 year anniversary December 7th. It's been a long road and took me to [sic] many years to wake up and realize the importance of taking care of myself. I would love to hear more about you and what your life is like now, what products you take and how you deal daily. I look forward to hearing from you!”

Some of you might think: “Wow, what a nice friend!” And maybe she has good intentions… I can also truly appreciate that she has lived for so long with such a challenging condition as is type 1 diabetes. But honestly, I got pretty upset. This woman is policing her friend over her type 2 diabetes and her treatment choices – and deeming them “not taking [her type 2 diabetes] seriously at all.” She is making her feel shame for using a beneficial medication, AND, she wanted me to conspire with her into basically ‘shocking’ her into action with a gut wrenching story. I later came to find out that she works for one of these self described ‘health companies’ that just sell health products and other dietary nonsense trying to bill themselves to people as ‘the thing that changes lives.’ She also only just started ‘really taking care of herself’ last September, by following a drastic diet, and of course, doesn’t deem anyone else’s dietary choices as ‘the right ones.’


She did not like my reply, I can tell you that much. I take it she wanted to sell her friend something.
In not too many words, I explained to her that she needed to respect her friend, giver her room to grow, and not be the diabetes police to her; that at least, she was taking her medications. I gently, but firmly, explained that we all need to make our own choices, and we all need to want to learn and take care of ourselves. That acceptance of such an insidious, yet invisible disease is a tough path for many – especially because, unless we feel horrible, we’ll only know it’s there by doing a blood test... or until we’re riddled with complications.
Type 2 diabetes is a psychologically complex condition. It often arises out of obesity (though most obese never develop it): a psychologically complex condition in itself.

Most of us have dealt with the demons of trying to tame our emotional-behavioral issues, often expressed in overeating. Most of us feel some sense of grief or anger over having “failed,” and ended up in a diagnosis. Little do many realize that overeating triggers the same reward pathways in the brain as abusing cocaine, but to a lesser extent – and it’s a tough road to reprogram ourselves. The last thing we need is someone making us feel more shame over something we’ve long wrestled, and behaviors long ago ingrained in our minds.

Simply put, obesity and diabetes are not just matters of calories in and calories out – they are diseases which should be treated with as much a psychological approach, as well as a behavioral intervention approach. Type 2 cannot be healed with special powders, gimmicks, special prayers, or spices. It cannot be healed with a low carb diet, a vegan diet, a raw diet, a bird seed milk diet, a gastric bypass. The disease itself CANNOT be healed, and it cannot be reversed. Well controlled, but never gone. We just have to emotionally make peace with ourselves, accept the road ahead, DO the things we need to do, and expect no shortcuts. No one’s going to come and rescue us, and that’s a tough lesson to learn, and we need to fall and skin our knees to learn it, sometimes. What we don’t need is people thinking they can parent us, and shame us into action.

In fewer words: I told her that she just needs to be a friend. 

Lizmari M. Collazo is a person living with type 2 diabetes. She was diagnosed in 2009, after a couple of years of escalating symptoms, and the loss of her professional job in Human Resources. WIN_20131210_200439 - Copy
Sobered by the reality of her diagnosis, and her late father’s battle with the disease, she immediately took to the internet to learn as much as she could about the condition. Today, she is a much healthier person, and dedicates her time to help advocate and educate about this disease. She is a Stanford University’s Medicine X ePatient Scholar (a community of patients, along with medicine professionals and innovators, who convene every year to discuss the future of healthcare and technology), and she administrates a Facebook group called “Living with Diabetes.” You can read her various musings at her personal blog, The Angry Type 2 Diabetic.