To say that I hate you seems too simple and yet so obvious. I'm angry at you for sure and have been for almost 7 years, since the day you barged into our lives and ruined Nora's youth. The anger just builds with each high blood sugar reading, for every faulty insulin pump site, every trace ketone, lost sleep, CGM calibration in the middle of the night, LOWS, when you interfere in her school day or her sports, robbing Nora of her childhood and the FEAR of her not making it through the night.
There are days where you push yourself front and center and it hurts. I'm not going to lie...there are nights when I wonder why Nora? Why couldn't it be someone else...anyone else but Nora. Why couldn't it happen to the family down the street whose parents are so self absorbed and their kid is looking for attention? Because with diabetes I'm giving TONS of attention to Nora...so much attention that she's asking me to stop giving her so much! (I really don't wish this disease on anyone else but sorry, to shock you reader but it IS my thought at times!)
But I've got a secret for you...every time Nora has an "in range" blood sugar, I am able to sleep through the night because she has a flatline of 130, a day without a low, she makes it through school with only the specified blood sugar checks and no extra visits to the nurse, when Nora runs and plays and enjoys life like kids without diabetes...guess what?!?! YOU LOSE!!
I've got another thing to tell ya too! If it weren't for you, dearest diabetes, I don't think I would be as compassionate to other people with "invisible" diseases. My family wouldn't be as close as it is today. I wouldn't have met some pretty awesome people in the DOC. I wouldn't have YEARS of volunteer hours tucked under my belt or cherish the time I have with my kids every. single. day! I've talked with members of Congress, CEO's of corporations and all because of you, diabetes. You have given me something to wake up to, to fight for my daughter and ALL diabetics. I'm sure I would've had a great, content life without you in it. But because you are, I've got a passion to talk about, learn about and teach about all things D.
In case you haven't noticed...we are a pretty powerful group, the DOC. We will be the change! We will make a difference! We will make you cower in a corner until we have completely annihilated you! We have seen too much suffering but we see the light at the end. And it's got a big 'ol party going on with cake and ice cream and you aren't invited...we are done with you!
So I know you'll stick around and mess some numbers up and keep us sleep deprived but know this...your time is coming! If I were you....I'd run!!
Not so sincerely,
Mom to Nora dx'd 6-13-05